2013 - A Factual Criminal Justice System Review

While we are busy running our lives, things are happening to us all the time. Sometimes we don't know about them. Sometimes we don't think about them or choose to ignore them.

But hardly ever do we have the time or the luxury to speak up or demand a positive change. 

Why do our societies fail us? Why does our justice system not serve justice its people?

Is the criminal justice system fighting violence or just pretending?

In the video that follows, Mr Alex Kreit, Professor of Criminal Law, asks some hard questions and discloses some even harder to ignore statistics.

Love Is What Love Is - A Most Romantic Marriage Proposal

As the debate about same-sex marriage proceeds, I happened to stumble upon the most romantic marriage proposal that was ever captured on video. Flash-mob style!



People can be so romantic when love is what love is. And this is pure love!


Sweet dreams and much love!

Modern Times - Modern Family

One of my favorite comedy TV series at the moment is Modern Family.

Modern Family is a satire that looks at three different families- typical and not-so-typical- who are really just an extended one.

Modern Family successfully raises an eyebrow at the challenges and 'trials' each one faces in her own uniquely comedic way.

It is all you expect from a comedy, and at the same time it's not! In that it is indeed modern, fresh and refreshing with quick dialogues and smart lines.

The director has chosen a very interesting angle, it is - what people in the film and TV industry call - a mockumentary, which means it's still all scripted but events are presented in documentary format.

And even if you are not in the mood for some family comedy, Sofia Vergara is promising to shake things up and make it all well worth it.

Watch it and let me know what you think!

Hey, My Email is Confidential!

We all read blogs every day and probably leave quite a few comments every week. Can you imagine your email address being posted every time you submit a comment online? I am sure it happens every now and then but hopefully not too often...

Have you ever posted a comment online and some douchebag published your email address along with your comment?

What did you do? Did you close your email account to get away from all the spam? Did you behome a hacker just to gain access and remove your email address yourself?

I hear this is the case for a website that is maintained by someone called Emmanuel Sarides. His title is Dr but not for Doctor but Dreadful Emmanuel Sarides.

Since 2009 I have been contacting the webmaster with a simple and honest request, remove my email address from the internet, man! In 2012, he threatened me that he'd sue me for harrassment should I continue asking that he removes my email address.

How do you feel about people violating your rights? What action would you take, if any?

The email communication I exchanged with him will follow soon.

Won an Oscar but Lost a Man

There's an interesting fact I read on the Daily Mail today...! "Kate Winslet, Reese Witherspoon, Hilary Swank, Chalize Theron, Julia Roberts and Halle Berry all found themselves newly single shortly after winning an Academy Award." Sandra Bullock is the latest newly added member of this 'exclusive' team as she just found out... that her honey-bunny Jesse James was cheating on her while she was away shooting a film in Atlanta.

The article goes as far as to call this 'rare' phenomenon the "Oscars Curse" (ta-ta-ta-DAH!) but I prefer to call it... human nature. Men and women cheat on their partners for all kinds of different reasons. No matter how pretty, famous and adorable you might think you are...

Look into the Princess Diana case.... The whole planet is wondering how has Charles chosen Camilla over Diana, but he's not... and neither is Camilla. Remember the chick that Hugh Grant has chosen for himself when he got tired of... Liz Harley?! Tiger Woods, John Terry, and so many more are only human beings and we tend to forget this purely because they are on the spotlight.

Of course I can understand the humiliation they are feeling since actors are normally very sensitive people who are overexposed to the media and therefore to people's judgement and it's hard - so bloody hard - not to give a damn about what other people think when your primary aim in life is for everybody to adore you and recognise how special you are. They are most vulnerable because of their exposure - agreed.

But even this is rapidly changing. Social networking sites are turning us all into small celebrities. Even if you just have a few hundreds eyes fixed upon you, you still might feel you are famous and therefore important. This is a very common phenomenon in smaller cities too, where people think so high of themselves and carry themselves around like some sort of royalty just because they know a handful of other people that live in the same god-forgotten place.

Whatever goes out on Facebook, Twitter, or any other social networking site stays there forever! We ourselves are becoming small celebrities with people regularly following our news, commenting on our photos, and we are always trying to impress them all. "Look at me, look at me! Do you want to become my neighbour in Farmville?!" hahahaha - it's so funny really (though tinged with a pinch of sadness) how people in our days take much more time to care about their online profiles rather than themselves.

Well the truth has always been hard and ugly but it's out there for anyone that dares to face it. We are either all special all none of us. And cheating is a global phenomenon as old as time and light. So why are we (I refer to the human race as a whole) still taking it all so seriously in the first place? Wouldn't it be better if we all put our hands on our hearts and admitted that we might all fancy some variety in our sex life from time to time?

I am not trying to underestimate anyone's feelings. All I am saying is that since 90% of the world's population (I just made up this statistic just like everybody else does! :P) is bound to experience a heartbreak, we would be much better off, psychologically speaking, if we avoided any unnecessary repetition of the painful and distressing memories and (alas!) changed the way we think and feel about the infidelity in general. Let's be honest with ourselves first and then the lies, we sometimes base our whole lives upon, will soon fade away....

Any other thoughts?

OH, NO!!! MY iPHONE IS CRAP!

OH, NO!!! MY iPHONE IS CRAP!

Similar to all of you and certainly not different I was dying to finally get my hands on this black beauty (some prefer it white – but they’re not the cool guys- aha, there… I said it! What you’re gonna do about it, what you’re gonna do about it?! Hehehe hoho), the legendary iPhone.

But it’s crap, it really is. It’s OK for me to say it ‘cause I love it so much. I love it so much that I hate it… it happens in real life also you love something so much that you end up to hate it for not being worthy of your love or for being so much worthy of love in general that you don’t have so much to give and you feel drained but in any way let me not get carried away, cause I keep on talking and jumping from one thought to another for hours, maybe days. Certainly haven’t tried it for a week, but a good couple of days for sure. I remember that. It was one day… hehe, I am only joking.

It is the iPhone that I want to moan about today. And here it comes. Surely you’ll all remember from my previous post how I have been waiting for a long long (it’s not a grammar error you idiotic ugly Word Assistant. It adds to the drama, you ignorant ignorant moran!) time for O2 to restock the new 3GS 32GB iPhones.

It’s not the iPhone, it’s O2 that’s crap.

Reasons to switch to iPhone

• Voice4Mail
• Voicenotes Dictaphone
• Remote desktop lite
• Addison Lee on the go
• Ocado on the go.
  How cool is that! Instead of making lists and sticking non-sticky post it notes on the freezer and finally ending up always forgetting something you needed from the supermarket. And the Murphy rule has it that it’s most of the times the thing that made you decide you need to do the shopping in the first place.
  If of course you don’t order online then I guess a simple To do or Shopping List note would do the trick.
  
  Other Dubious Applications that caught my eye
• Excuse generator
• Fake Caller
• Fake Conversation
  
  Drawback
  When it comes to typing... iPhone does not have sideways arrows to move to the left and/or to the right. And it does not have an Undo button. Remember tears came in our eyes when the Undo button was first introduced. What a marvellous day for humanity, “what is done, can be undone” screamed Bill to the world. But no no no, that kind of magic is not what Apple stands for and represents.

O2 Bad Mobile Network Coverage - Two Laptops or an iPhone?

O2 is experiencing coverage problems again in London, UK. It does not affect all iPhones (and other mobiles using the 3G technology) but it's definitely annoying for those who does affect. Two days have gone by, and they still haven't made an announcement. I called their Customer Service team as I thought that my 1 - week old iPhone was going funny in the SIM, if you know what I mean.

They confirmed they are aware of the existing coverage problems but had not been given a timeline of when the problems is going to be resolved. The representative was unable to confirm why some iPhones were not affected.

It's been two days and I still cannot get my email, of course I cannot send either. I cannot access the internet nor any of the applications that run over the internet. This would be fine if it only happened let's say once a year, but how many times a year have we (O2 customers) have to put up with this? Users in social networks reported the same problem already 5 or 6 times this year alone.

Well, at least it still receives calls and sends messages but let's be honest know... i didn't pay the price of 2 laptops just for that, did I?

Or perhaps did you?

Spam + Scam = Scammers

Have you ever woke up one morning, checked your emails and believed - even for a sec! - you've finally become a millionaire? Yes!!!

How great would it be if we never had to enter any competitions but could still win all the prizes! In a nutshell, the best medicine against spam and scam is "think before you act". If it's too good to be true then there's most definitely a catch.

At the end of the day, all scams are the same. There is a bait - usually in the form of money reward, and there is a catch that you are going to be asked to be ripped off very kindly.... in the form of advance fees, administration fees, gesture of good faith, etc.... you get the idea! ;)

In order to protect yourself the best thing you have got to do in case you receive an email suggesting that you've won something from an unknown to you personally sender is not reply at all.

However, if you find it entertaining or for educational purposes and you do decide to answer, then please make sure you do not share any sensitive personal information with the scammer, such as bank account details, date of birth, passport number, etc. and most importantly do not make any payment whatsover.

One thing you need to bear in mind is that once you pay them there is probably (that's a 99.9% probability!) very little you could do to recover the money. Yes, that's the stage where you need to admit to yourself: it's too late for all this now. I have been officially conned.

The UK National Lottery scam email looks as follows (quite professional I'd say... I have seen much worse - those Nigerian scams are the best, you know which ones I am talking about! When your help is needed to access that large amount of money that a deceased has left behind ....)


UK NATIONAL LOTTERY HEADQUARTERS:
P O Box 1010 Liverpool, L70 1NL
UNITED KINGDOM (Customer Services)

ATTENTION: WINNER

This is to inform you that you have been selected for a cash prize of (£1,000,000.00) One Million Great British Pounds held on the 12th of October,2009 in London UK.

Contact our fiduciary agent for claims with:

Name:Mr.Marvel Mark
Tell: +447024039995
Email: mr.marvel.mark@live.com

Winning Parameters:
REF NO: UK 200-26937
BATCH NO: 2007MJL-01

Fill the below:1.Full. Name:_____2.Address:_____3.Marital Status:____4.Occupation:____5.Age:_____6.Sex:7:____8.Country of Residence:____9.Telephone Number:

Congratulations!!
Mrs.Christiana Criswell.
U.K ONLINE LOTTERY INTERNATIONAL

To help combat scammers please report any fraud email activity to the Fraudwatch International. A quick internet search will also help you identify the most popular email scams and you'll soon become a scammer savvy.

Good luck!

O2 Runs Out of iPhone 3GS

Crap! Since the very first time I heard about iPod I was intrigued to buy it! Not that I am your classic kind of "I-love-any-gadget" type of person but the possibility that you could hold in your hands an interactive, user-friendly, smart and devilishly quick (yeah, yeah... I heard you complaining but hope dies last. And I betcha that compared to my current rather problematic and still so bloostiff Sony Ericsson typing and navigating through the iPhone will feel like popping the clouds!)

In the beginning, having heard of all the criticism surrounding the launch of the iPhone I decided to wait a bit, just to see what happens. You see, Apple has managed to raise the audience's expectations a far way more than any reasonable marketeer would advise them it's safe to do... and that's why they were bound to come up quickly with a better and much faster version or say goodbye to their.... million investment. In July 2007, New York Times reported on the consumers' anger over how "bad investment" they though iPhone was.

Two years later, the new version is here and while we are all so excited about it (ok, we might not be the 'early birds'.... we hesitated yes, but do we deserve to be punished in this way? )

I have been waiting nearly a year for a my contract to finish so I can buy the new iPhone at last. But allegedly O2, currently the exclusive provider of iPhone 3GS has run out of iPhones! How is this possible? I have been calling O2 every other day for the past two months trying to figure out what is going on with the iPhone supplies. No stock. They got no iPhones.

Do they know when the next delivery will be? No- they don't.
Can they provide an estimate? Absolutely not, you should just call back again and again.
Do they take orders? Absolutely not, you should just wait until it's restocked.
When will that be then? Nobody knows...

Bur rumour has it that their exclusive deal with Apple is to expire around the 9th of October. Now, this might explain a lot. It could be that Apple decided to cut O2 down just before the exclusive deal expires so they can negotiate far better deals for themselves with the other mobile providers given the unprecedented level of demand.

If that's the case I can wait a bit longer. It's highly unlikely given the current level of demand that the providers will enrol to a price- war, but it still means that we will at last have the luxury of choosing the provider we reckon is best.

I said I can wait but to be honest I really can't wait to get my hands on that beauty! :)

Swine Flu Update

Since the advice on Swine Flu at the end of April there has been a significant change in the way the health authorities around the world are dealing with pandemic. Some might argue that they have now managed to turn the pandemic into a very healthy sustainable business making tones of money.

In the UK the policy had been to contain the spread of the virus by using a number of public health interventions. This included giving antivirals (Tamiflu) both to those who were symptomatic as a treatment as well as to their close contacts to prevent them from developing the disease. That's killing two birds with one stone... But is there a cure?

Doctors have confirmed that antivirals used in the treatment of flu are not a 'cure'. They reduce the virus spreading in the body, help the patient to recover more quickly and reduce the risk of complications. They also reduce shedding of the virus by infected people so that its spread may be delayed. However, they do not offer longer term protection. Only a vaccine can achieve this and it is not anticipated that this will be available until later in the year (October is frequently quoted as the anticipated date).

Once the virus is widespread within the community, the value of antivirals in terms of slowing the spread of the disease or offering individual protection is greatly reduced. This is because people are likely to be repeatedly exposed to the disease. It is not possible to eliminate the virus using antivirals. As a result the policy of containment has changed to one of treatment. What does this mean for F&C staff?

The advice is still to
•Maintain good basic hygiene, for example washing hands frequently with soap and water to reduce the spread of virus from your hands to face or to other people.
•Dispose of dirty tissues promptly and carefully.
•Cleaning hard surfaces (e.g. door handles) frequently using a normal cleaning product.

What should I do if I develop flu like symptoms?
You should stay at (or go) home and contact your Doctor or the health authorities and follow their advice. Your return to work should be on a date to be agreed with your Doctor.

What should I do if my family develops flu like symptoms?
Maintenance of good basic hygiene remains paramount. If you do not have flu like symptoms you may continue to come to work. However, you must consult your Doctor if these symptoms change and follow the advice given.

Will the controls on business travel be relaxed?
It continues to be good practice for only essential business travel to take place. This should be approved by your member of the Executive Committee.

Share your Thoughts with your Friends

Thoughts.com is the online network ideal for sharing your thoughts with your friends or the members of this online community. The user interface of Thought.com is customizable, one can personalize the page and fill it up with interesting content: blogs, videos, breaking news, podcasts or photos.

In the Breaking News page the members can read the most emailed, most viewed, most recommended or the most bookmarked news but what you and your friends will surely enjoy is the Oddly Enough section where you can read that the Rat Island finally went rat-fre, a police station is Sierra Leone was taken over by poisonous snakes and other strange news from this funny world we live in.

In the Podcasts section you can listen online to songs or to other users tortured by talent while playing the piano or other musical instruments. Dust off all those music pieces you compiled a while ago, upload them on Thoughts.com and let your future fans worship you. The language lessons are very useful as well - play a Spanish lesson about adjectives while you are surfing the web. The good news is that the users can upload their favourite music into this section, so after you read this we should expect an increase in the trance podcasts available on thoughts.com.

I am intrigued to see how this one goes... this 'experiment' will say a lot about the nature of the social media networking sites... Are they just hubs of gossip (like Twitter) and spying tools (employers are using Facebook to spy on their employees - this is now thought to be what we'd call a "normal practice") or do people really want to communicate with each other and expand their horizons? Will they share their thoughts or do they only want to show off their lifestyle?

Internet offers unlimited possibilities to a user today and so does social networking. So we can't really label anything (or any website for that reason) as good or bad... The real challenge lies in answering the question how do/will people choose to use the available resources.

Have you registered to VOTE yet?

If not, then this is definitely the time to do so! It's easy and it's actually the only thing that will make you feel good next time a scandal bursts! "At least, I did not vote for these bastards", you'll think... Trust me - it works. And that's why I find it very sad that more and more intelligent, fine young people prefer apathy over power and willingness to change the world.

Yes, change the world! If you have a good opinion and you keep it to yourself, who is it good for? Nobody. We complain about the party leaders, the parties themselves, the government, the whole bloody system but everything is how it is because we - people - let it be.

Think about it for a sec! And keep on reading... this year we are all voting!

At what point in history did people object an idea, a monarch, a tyrant, even a war... anything(!) and did not manage to overturn it?

It is no magic. It is no coincidence. It is people that make it happen, again and again and (let's do it!) again... throughout the human history. But people who believe in themselves. People that will not take no for an answer. People like you and me that just had enough.

At least I know I've had enough...
of people telling me that I can't change the world....
that I am not someone special....
they even dare to say that I don't have the power! And they forget...


They forget that everything there is and there's ever been is created by and for people. And we are the people... but we seem to be tired and feel weak. Unable to react or even express an opinion (cast your vote!) about what's to fall upon our heads and our children's heads. And then suddenly it becomes cool not to be bothered.

Are you really not that bothered? - is my question.
"I am not bothered" is indeed a very catchy (and popular) comedy phrase and english comedy is renowned to be sarcastic and satiric. It's not surprising the comedians are holding up the mirror against our society, the funny thing is that we stand there and just laugh without realising that we actually do laugh at ourselves. If we realised we'd still laugh, but also move, change our ways.

But it is surprising that almost 80 years of experience of television is not enough for our species to evolve and actually realise when talented marketeers are playing games with their minds. Can scientists come up with some kind of bullshit-detector pill that we should take 3 times a day after food?

Some people blame their disengagement to their declining trust in governments and politics in general. I can fully understand the trust issues, you got me there! I, myself, was so disheartened by my home country's election results that promised I won't even talk about politics again.

But every time I am making such big-mouth statements I tend to think of my mother "So what! Who you think you are hurting?" - classic! - and most of the times the answer was "me?". I mean the little voice in my head, my actual answer is probably untranslatable (told you I had a big mouth).

Think about a village! Would the mayor dare take any decision, do anything at all that was not in the benefits of the village as a whole? When it comprises of let's say 500 people. He would not. And you know why! You have nowhere to hide in a village anyway, imagine being the mayor who's wronged the people that voted for him and coincidentally he went to the same school with, is somehow related, etc... And people tend to come together at villages and talk a lot and they know that even though John is now the mayor, he is still John and if they don't like him anymore they can get rid of him... pffff, easily.

The worst bit and what really grinds my gears is that "they" do not want us to vote. And that's what makes me want to vote that badly! Actually the less people vote the better it is for them, the rest they can manipulate or corrupt. But they can manipulate and corrupt only a few, this is how they sustain their wealth after all, who obviously have some kind of power themselves (power can come in many forms but mainly it expresses itself through money - this is a capitalist society after all!). These few of course control some others.... and we end up with a pyramid system that goes so high that we forget (to look up) to care! Do the math and you'll see there is hope!

The statistics are even sadder to read. In 2006 elections 16% replied "don't know" and 7% did not even cared to vote. Most of them between the ages of 25-34. Well guys, sorry to break the news... are you out partying? Too busy with your jobs? Because these are the best, most productive years of our lives and we should be able to live them in a way that we approve. Not just turn our heads away and pretend this is not happening.

It is happening and we actually are responsible for not stopping it. It is us they fear. It is our time to shine. We are holding the world in our hands and simply stare at it, instead of spin it all around and actually make it happen. That - which we all imagine but do not speak of.

I need to know. I want to see if everyone votes will things still be the same? Are we really braindead or just asleep?

Swine Flu - Death Toll of 149

Is it a mere coincidence that mankind is threatened by swine flu?
Or is it perhaps a sign that the world can’t take any more pigs? Especially, those of the human kind…

A moment of reflection… and the latter already sounds much more likely. How many more thick-skinned, sweaty omnivores can Mother Nature bear before she runs out of patience? Well, I think she did and so did I.

The current main concern is that this pig flu virus has the ability to transmit from humans to humans as a number of the cases who got infected have had no direct exposure to swine – at least not the animal kind, but I bet you they have been really close to the human kind pigs at some point. We all do. It’s inevitable.

And sad. So sad.

Stupid Boy

I didn't mind the cheating
him loving another body
kissing other lips

I don't even mind the images I keep on getting of him with other women...

But all these Lies and the Lying Liar who tells them
that I mind

I am in the fire in the middle of a storm
and I am reaching out to you old friend
outside the circle

Tears are burning my cheeks but I do not mind
My once big beautiful blue-green eyes are looking at me
almost like through a peephole; what with all this crying
beggingly

"Are you scared?"
"Please tell me what to do"
"Are you afraid?"
"Please tell me how to do this"

I love you - I believe you
I do not mind the pain
but all these lies...

A Salty Love Story

He met her on a party. She was so outstanding that many guys were already chasing after her. He suddenly felt so normal, he noticed that nobody was paying attention to him.

At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him. She was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop,he was too nervous to say anything,she felt uncomfortable she thought, please let me go home...

Suddenly he asked the waiter, "would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee."

Everybody stared at him in shock! His face turned red,but still,he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.

She asked him curiously: is this not a strange habit?
He replied "when I was a little boy, I was living near to sea. I enjoyed playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea. I guess I simply like the taste of the
salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there".

While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched. That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can talk out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, and assumes responsibility of home.

Then she also started talking about herself, about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice discussion, but also the beginning of a very beautiful story. They continued to date. She soon realised that actually he was the man who checked all the boxes; he was tolerant, kind, warm hearted, attentive and caring. He was a true diamond that she nearly missed! But no, no - thanks to his salty coffee!

The rest of the story goes just like any beautiful love story , the princess married the prince, they lived a happy life...

And,every time she made his coffee, she put some salt in it, as she knew that's the way he liked it. After 40 years he passed away but left behind him a letter addressed to the woman he loved the most in his life which read:

'My dearest, please forgive me, forgive the lie of my whole life. This was the only lie I've ever told you. The salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time. I only meant to ask for some sugar, but I said salt. I did. I could not change what I said so I just carried along..I never thought that exact moment of immense embarrassment would be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in the course of our beautiful and happy life, but I was too afraid, too scared...

Remember I promised not to lie to you about anything, ever? I do my love and I always did. Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I can tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee. Oh, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee every day in my whole life! Since I've met you, I never felt sorry for anything I did for you, for us.

Having you with me has all I could ask for. A salty coffee could not take all the happiness away.

Her tears made the letter totally wet. Someday, someone asked her: what does salty coffee taste like?

"It's sweet." She replied.

Love is not to forget but to forgive.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, '...that's her.'

52 things you would love to say out loud at work

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. Ahhhh. I see the f ***-up fairy has visited us again.

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a sh*t.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any resemblance between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your cry-baby whiny-arsed opinion would be?

24. Do I look like a f****** people person to you?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29.. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.

31. Oh I get it. Like humour, but different.........

32. An office is just a mental institute without the padded walls.

33. Can I swap this job for what's behind door .........1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume (or aftershave). Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career; it turns out I just needed the money.

39. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being more intelligent.

40. Wait a minute - I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

41. Aren't you a black hole of need.

42. I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?

43. Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?

44.. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

45. If you have something to say raise your hand.........then place it over your mouth.

46. I'm too busy, can I ignore you some other time?

47. Don't let your mind wander, its too small to be let out on its own.

48. Have a nice day, somewhere else.

49. You're not yourself today, I noticed the improvement straight away.

50. You are as pretty as a picture, I'd really like to hang you.

51. Don't believe everything you think.

52. Do you hear that? That's the sound of no-one caring.

More Women on The Trading Floor – A New World Order

Alternative Title: When coffee won’t help you wake up….

I arrived at work with about 10 minutes to spare and grabbed a croissant and a latte. While I am having breakfast, I also like to read the paper and enjoy some silence as the sun comes up. That’s too bad though, because I live and work in London, where the sun is too busy playing hide-and-seek with the clouds and looking at a screen is the most certain –if not the only – way to ‘prove’ you are actually working.

What I can do though is to login on Bloomberg and read pretty much about everything. Instead of that I chose the Most Read News category. This news category comes recommended for when having breakfast, but usually I do not opt to read what everyone else already knows. I rely on the fact that news travel fast – even when they should have stayed home.

So, I clicked on the story titled “Blame Your Sex Drive for Credit-Crunch Worries” – that sounds like fun, I thought. It must be about these sexy-feeling traders that “made love” to the financial market, until it dropped dead. And it was… well, sort of… The article reveals that neuroscientists have recently performed a (valid?) experiment which suggested that when men are thinking about sex, they are more likely to take financial risk in the hope of accumulating greater wealth to attract women.

I know what you’re thinking! No, the research did not address the sort of women targeted by this ingenious technique….. But the most interesting part comes now! Neuroscientists commenting on their findings said that women were not tested because it’s harder to find an erotic image that all respond to. That’s it! The most Mickey-Mouse scientific explanation I have ever read.

How about Johny Depp, guys? I trust him and many many other guys could do the trick! After all what you really want is to get women to think about sex not ready to have sex, right? The sex-related image shown to men was one of a couple in an erotic pose. Do you think that the same image would fail to make women think about sex? Thank goodness, I didn’t go study I the USA…..

But wait a sec! Is this the reason women were not tested? Maybe not… thinking about it twice, I reckon the real trouble must have been finding enough women on the trading floor to conduct the experiment in the fist place! ;) Gotcha!

So, instead of wasting money in research that adds no value to the industry, wouldn’t it be so much better if banks were encouraged to get more women on the trading floor? It’s obvious that men have seriously messed up the world in the absence of women. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be eye-pocket-witnessing the largest financial crisis since Great Depression, now would we? Eh, Mr Smart-Pants-Male-Trader?

Maybe, this is the quickest possible and most natural way to boost the world economy!

Baftas Awards spiced with a bit of Humor

Well, thank the gods, the Writers’ Guild of America has ceased its strike! I can go back to legally downloading and watching US series. Those damned writers disrupted a routine that had taken me months to develop. I was, at the height of my abilities, legally watching between 5 and 7 series simultaneously. But enough about me.

Let us talk about that other TV programme that had everyone talking a few days ago, as they were panicking that the Writers strike was going to block the Oscars, the Holiest of Holy Award Ceremonies. Yes, a few days ago we were graced by stars walking down a red carpet in London, to receive their very own British Academy of Film and Television Arts Award (sponsored by Orange, just like rugby. Classy).

In fact, several deserving individuals did win awards. Atonement won best film even though it had been nominated for 14 BAFTAs. It did also win a technical award. Best male actor was taken by Daniel Day Lewis for There Will Be Blood, which I have heard mentioned as film of the decade by fellow filmmakers. Marion Cotillard won the award for best actress after a masterful job in La Vie En Rose, where she completely transforms from one scene to the next.

The Coen brothers took home a Best Director award for No Country for Old Men (I wonder whose room they keep that, do you think they fight over it, does their mum decide?), which I absolutely adored and will definitely watch in the cinema; at some point. The supporting actor and actress were also very, very good. Tilda Swinton, whose green frock I still have nightmares about), accepted the award best supporting actress for a contained explosion of a performance in Michael Clayton, while Javier Bardem managed to avoid the pitfall Antonio Banderas and Penelope Cruz fell into when acting in Hollywood. Being crap in English. Even though these actors have given incredibly intricate performances in Spanish films, upon reaching Hollywood it’s all downhill. Bad directing I tell you. In any case, Javier Bardem steals the show in No Country For Old Men, as the psychotic hitman. Well done Javier!

Was Sweeney Todd nominated for something? I hope it didn’t win. You pay good money and see one of those films in the cinema… I miss the old Tim Burton, the miserable unhappy man. This guy with the girlfriend and the kids just doesn’t cut it. Anyway…

Speaking of award ceremonies, there is a very easy way of finding excellent European, Asian, etc. films to watch. Screen Daily(Screendaily.com) and Variety(Variety.com) have all of the news and detailed list of other award ceremonies and festivals (http://www.screendaily.com/AwardsMicrosite/ScreenDailyAwardsMicrositeHome.aspx?Category=642?WT.mc_id=GoogleReg_PPC&?WT.srch=1&gclid=CM_alK-VxpECFRnQXgodagPczA). That’s how I figure out what to legally download and watch next. I wonder if they will even have enough for the red carpet at the Oscars this year, what with all the revenue they must be losing from me not going to the cinema.

Doing the "money-laundry"

Money laundering is a global problem.
How do you hide a million in cash? Staying one step ahead of the law has lead to increasingly sophisticated methods of hiding dirty money and we all know how much criminals love playing hide and seek with the law.

Money launderers can use any of the following methods to hide dirty money:

1. Transport the cash to another country and dispose it there.
2. Put the cash into a bank or other financial business.
3. Purchase a luxury item.
4. Channel money through a shell company*.
5. Channel money through a legitimate company.
6. Purchase instruments such as travellers' cheques or bankers' drafts, which are legitimate instruments used for overseas exchange purposes

The money laundering process may vary depending on the criminal organisation’s available laundering mechanisms. However, all criminals attempting to launder funds have three requirements in common, which are to:

- conceal the true ownership and origin of the funds,
- maintain control over the proceeds,
- convert cash into other assets as quickly as possible.

And to do so, they need to go three stages. Irrespectively of whether these three stages occur simultaneously, overlap, or occur as separate and distinct phases, the money laundering process stages are:

1. Placement. At this stage, the launderer needs to transform banknotes into non-cash assets. The launderer’s first step is to place this physical cash with some form of financial institution and/or to purchase some form of asset. They usually prefer to purchase luxurious items using the illegally-derived cash. Alternatively, it could be deposited in a bank or placed through a non-bank financial institution such as a currency exchange, casino – how convenient really! -, or cheque-cashing service.
2. Integration. Basically, the launderer tries to integrate illicit funds with legitimate business. The launderer covers his tracks by using banks and other low-risk businesses or institutions to integrate their assets. The type of financial institution will determine the nature of the laundering. Retail banks are most exposed when handling cash; investment banks are most exposed when dealing with businesses and high net worth individuals.
3. Layering. The objective of the layering stage is to disguise the origins of criminal funds. The launderer creates complex layers of financial transactions designed to hinder the audit trail, disguise the origins of the criminal funds, and provide anonymity. Examples of layering techniques are sales of illegally-derived luxury assets (usually at inflated prices), back-to-back loans involving illegally-derived funds, and bogus letter of credit transactions.

There are three areas where the money launderer is most vulnerable to detection:
- initial entry of cash into the financial system
- funds transfers within and from the financial system
- cash flows abroad.

*Shell Companies
A shell company is a non-trading company used as a vehicle for various corporate manoeuvres.

Dealing with Bullying, Harrassment or Victimisation

UK Survey has shown that bullies, in the work environment, are not predominantly male as most people think (another stereotype perhaps?). On the contrary, the ratio of male to female bullies is approximately 50:50! Yet still about three-quarters, or 75%, of the targets are female.

Bullying is rarely physical and instead tends to be psychological. The most common type of bullying is constant and unjustifiable criticism. This can lead to stomach problems and stress. However, bullying is not synonymous with harassment.

The survey also reveals that is that most bullies try to make others look inadequate, so they do not have to face up to their own shortcomings. It often happens, that bullies belong to the more senior level of the organisation they belong to, and they target to someone on his team because he knows the person consists a threat to his position.

This type of bullies flourish in poorly managed environment, where bullying others into submission helps bullies to keep their jobs. The bad news are, that bullies are usually charming and accomplished liars, which makes confronting them a bit problematic for the target, especially if he is not as popular.

Harassment can take many different forms including racial and sexual harassment; bullying is just one form of harassment. If an employee feels they have been subjected to any form of discrimination, harassment, victimisation or bullying, they should immediately contact their manager and/or their HR Manager.